Not all of these components are measurable using currently available metrological techniques.

I don't think that there is enough coffee in the world to ensure that I am kept awake through more than one paragraph of text as written above. Where do people come up with these things? Yes, using big words makes you sound smart, but using only big words makes people want to slap you and fall asleep simultaneously. Preferably after a great deal of alcohol.

Sorry for the silence. It's been fraught over here recently.

Some days just need to die

I have been at work for two hours and sixteen minutes. I hate my job. This is a new record.

I arrived this morning to an inbox full of emails that all told me the same thing - basically, I'd screwed something up slightly (and can I point out that when given 15 minutes to do something that I'm not used to doing in a way I don't really know how to do, something is likely to go wrong?) that was then FIXED by the person who is supposed to notice these things. And then I got sent about 50 emails telling me, over and over in different ways (because obviously I'm not clever enough to figure out what I did wrong from the first page-and-a-half long email) what I did. And how I'm supposed to do it. And what I did. And this? This is how I'm supposed to do it.

Perhaps, maybe, if I'd actually been TRAINED ON THE BLOODY SOFTWARE in the first place instead of being sent on a crash-course two-day pile of pointless nothing which I then didn't use for three months, I might have known what I was doing. I am finding it extremely difficult not to name names, and run screaming through the internet badmouthing people and things. I actually punched a wall today. I have never done that in my entire life. I think I'm going to look for something else.

ps. sorry about all the yelling. Things are not going well.

A cheeky one over lunch

Yesterday started off as badly as it is possible for a day to begin. I woke up late, there was nothing for breakfast (besides I didn't have time for it anyway, and I hadn't seen the Starbucks guy since...the day before), I'm out of socks, I've run out of toothpaste, and I left the house with one earring in and without make-up on. It was the stressy-ist day of the month for me (second Wednesday of every month is my deadling day), and my morning did not go well. There's nothing like the combination of stupid+shallow+pedantic to make the world go round. There was actually a point where I had to go and hide in the loos for 10 minutes so I didn't start throwing things.

And then, then it was lunchtime. I met up with a friend who I hadn't seen in ages, and the first thing he said was 'Wow. You look absolutely knackered.' (Can I just take a second to say to all the men out there: This is not what you say to your girly friends when you haven't seen them in a month. It doesn't matter if they look like they've been making out with Death for the last hour and he's sucked their soul out through their mouth. Tell them that it's just so nice to see them. That'll make the world a much better place, and you won't be covered by weepy girl for the remainder of your day.) So obviously knackered me and not-obviously knackered him ended up at the pub for lunch. And I had a burger, and a pint, and talked not-about-work.

When I got back to the Office, everything was somehow better. It definitely had to do with the pint of Abbott Ale I'd had with my lunch, but I finished off my day without killing anyone. I never would have thought, working in the strangely-puritanical United States, that anyone drinking at lunch would be a good thing. But yes, oh yes, it does. Now I just need to start bringing a flask to work, and I'm sure the whole week will become a more entertaining place.

A (small) rant, just for you Monday.

1. If you give one of my projects to someone else, no, I will not continue to do it.

2. No. If I CUT IT OUT WITH SCISSORS and TAPE IT TOGETHER, it will not look good enough for the presentation. Spend the £5 at Kinko's.

3. It does not matter what I press, I cannot print from inside that application. No. Turning it off then on again does not help. This has been happening for 3 months. No, the last twenty-seven billion times I turned it off, then on again haven't helped either.

Somedays I just want to stab something in the eye. With a pencil. With hearts on.