So, in my efforts to lead a 'greener' lifestyle (and why is that always in little quotation marks?) I've been trawling through my usual sites (www.treehugger.com, www.hippyshopper.com and many others) in search of something that an apartment-dwelling urbanite with no access to a garden, no choice about what windows she's got or which appliances have been installed, and no money can do to. The answer is: Essentially nothing. I can buy organic, which is at least twice the price of normal things in the supermarket. Really, I shouldn't be shopping at the supermarket because they're all evil anyway, but good luck finding a shop that stocks everything you need for dinner without walking all over town. I can install low-energy lightbulbs...if I can afford them. Every single website I've seen or read seems to be writing things like "Save money and save the planet!", except that you have to spend money to save money, and where am I going to get the money from in the first place? Grr.

The Shrubbery is useless. He is more useless than, say, the French and not surrendering. My mother keeps making little hints about me moving back to the States, and how wonderful it will be, and it's just not going to happen. After living in a country where I know more about what's going on in the world by actively avoiding the news and newspapers, going back to a country where avidly watching the news give me the warm fuzzy feeling that a dog in the United States has just had puppies and look at them, aren't they cute? just doesn't appeal. I'm not saying that this country isn't f*cked, but maybe it's a little less so than the good ole U. S. of A.

I went to Salisbury this week to try and find my father a birthday present, and as his interests are Belgium, computers, and geneology, this was more difficult than I was expecting. I spent 4 hours trying to find him a polo shirt with 'Salisbury' or 'Stonehenge' embroidered nicely on the left breast. My quest was in vain. You wouldn't think that it would be so difficult to find something as simple as a tourist-y polo shirt. There were several other shirts that I could have gotten, mostly cheap scary ones that say such clever things as 'Stonehenge Rocks!". And yes, it did have an exclaimation point. On the other hand, I also got to sit in a field for a while. And sitting in a field is a really underrated thing.

I managed to get my degree. Finally. After 6 years. It feels strange not to be headed back to school of any kind after over nineteen years of it, and I think that it's also finally beginning to sink in that I'm not going to have a loan to bail me out or that I can't suddenly ask my parents for twenty bucks to cover my food for the week. What happened to all those wonderful things I was going to do when I was a grown-up? The buying whatever I wanted, staying up late, doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to do it. Now I'm too busy wondering if my flat has loft insulation because it will save me money on the gas bill this winter, and if I'll be able to pay any part of the gas bill in the first place. If this is going to be how it is for the rest of my life, f*ck this. I want to be 7 again, but have a little bit of wisdom that lets me appreciate what I've got instead of trying desperately to be older than I was. Some increadibly smart person once said "I wish I could be what I was when I wished that I was what I am now." I think he might have had the right idea.

I am now rolling in the feeling of being unemployeed. My last day was supposed to be the 3rd of this month, but then the manager asked me to come in 3 hours early on a Saturday. Hell no. So, I called in sick. Yay for being so sick of a place that you just don't care anymore. Anyways, it was fun for a while but now, when I'm beginning to memorize the daytime telly schedule, it's not a good thing. There's a job up for grabs in an art gallery, and it would so kick some ass to work there!

M's birthday was last week, and we went hiking on the South-West Coastal Path from Weymouth to Lulworth Cove, a mile east of Durdle Door. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and he's still recovering from his sunburn. I miss the outdoors in the States sometimes, but then I see things like this: Durdle Door and Cliffs Nearby

And it all suddenly becomes worth it. Or at least not as depressing that people live everywhere on this damn island.

A Conversation that Did Not Go As Planned

Him: I noticed recently that I think your face has alot more character than it used to.

Me, looking at him: What you're trying to say is that I'm beginning to get lines, right?

Him, eyes wide in denial because I figured out what he meant: No, that wasn't what I meant.

As long as I keep repeating to myself "I will grow old gracefully" I'll be okay. Maybe. Crap. Where's that really expensive line-reducing moisturiser that was on the telly the other day?

After entirely too much effort on probably both sides, I've finally gotten the clothes that I didn't order from howies (www.howies.co.uk). The reason that they're the ones that I didn't order is that, originally, I ordered a pair of jeans for me and a pair of cords for M. Now, a month and a half later, I have two tank-tops, a lovely shirt, and a really nice pair of khakis but no jeans or cords.

They do however, kick ass. howies (all lower case) is one of the first companies that I've been able to find that do organic jeans, not to mention shirts, coats, jumpers, and such. They're also one of the very few companies that look like the clothes are designed for people who aren't still living in the 70's. They list their ideas under the Ideas section of their site, and they're definately worth checking out. They're also really helpful, as the time that it took for my clothes to get to me is more my fault than theirs. So...buy from a company that's trying to make a difference instead of the high street retailers. At least that way you don't look exactally like everyone else.