Friday, September 16, 2005

I managed to get my degree. Finally. After 6 years. It feels strange not to be headed back to school of any kind after over nineteen years of it, and I think that it's also finally beginning to sink in that I'm not going to have a loan to bail me out or that I can't suddenly ask my parents for twenty bucks to cover my food for the week. What happened to all those wonderful things I was going to do when I was a grown-up? The buying whatever I wanted, staying up late, doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to do it. Now I'm too busy wondering if my flat has loft insulation because it will save me money on the gas bill this winter, and if I'll be able to pay any part of the gas bill in the first place. If this is going to be how it is for the rest of my life, f*ck this. I want to be 7 again, but have a little bit of wisdom that lets me appreciate what I've got instead of trying desperately to be older than I was. Some increadibly smart person once said "I wish I could be what I was when I wished that I was what I am now." I think he might have had the right idea.

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