The smallest space in the world

My flat in London is small. I don't think that I can describe just how small it actually is, without drawing the layout and the possible use of photographs. My camera died and I haven't been able to get my new one yet, so here is my attempt to explain why asking to stay at my place for any length of time is just...well, not the best idea in the world if you don't want to go insane.

This is my flat:It is not to scale, as I'm a crappy drawer in Paint. The green bits are all doors, with the one on the top left being how we get in. The two right next to each other on the right are sort-of French doors leading to a small, paved hole in the ground that is our 'garden'. The one in the upper right is the door to a small closet. All the brown bits are furniture or fixed objects that we can't move because they are all in the only space that they will fit in, like in the L-shaped bit sticking off the top of the main room - that's our kitchen. It has a stove with 2 hobs, and an oven that you can't use if you're using both hobs. That tiny blue thing is our shower (the toilet is outside the flat, in the hallway. We share it with our neighbor.) Black is the pointless radiator that is in the worst possible place, and the purple is our bed.

Now. I share a basement studio flat with my boyfriend. In this flat, the furniture consists of a bed (purple), bookshelf (top left), fixed wardrobe (bottom left), 'entertainment centre' (upper middle), and desk for computer (lower right). The bed is a sofa-bed that folds up so we can, you know, move around. When the bed is down there is about 2 feet of space on the right hand side by the bookshelf, and maybe 3 on the side with the desk. There is just enough space to squeeze by, carefully, between the corner of the bed and the telly. 2 people in the kitchen is a no-no, especially as that apparently clear space against the wall is actually full of things like rubbish bins, and ironing board, and the drying racks for our clothes. We don't have a washer or dryer, we have a fun total of 2 whole cupboards and one drawer for all food and food-related items (pots and pans and such).

At this point I should probably mention that Matt and I are not tidy people. We're clean, certainly, but not tidy. It's not uncommon for piles of paper, books, or clothes to build up at various places in this room. Recently he's been fiddling with the computer, so there is electrical-ness exploded in the desk area. I knit, and yarn takes up space. There is enough stuff on top of the bookshelf to require another bookshelf, but we don't have the space.

Does anyone see any room for two people in this space, much less more? I love you, my wonderful friends. I miss you. I want to see you.

However.

No, you cannot stay with me. No, not even just for a weekend. One night, if you're arriving at stupid-o'clock, yes. Because I miss you. But seriously guys. Look at the place. It's just not gonna work out.