These days

Today is not my best day ever. I’ve had a rather emotionally fraught year thus far, and this week several things have sort of broadsided me. This morning, I was surprised by something that completely threw me. It wasn’t at all expected, either the surprise or my reaction to it, and I now feel like I’m on the edge of something that is going to make me either hide in my flat for weeks or do something spontaneous and idiotic – like randomly deciding that the place I most need to be in the entire world is Vietnam.

I don’t know how to handle this. And I don’t know how to talk about it here.

This is an aspect of blogging that I find difficult to balance – talking about what’s happening, happened, or my version of events, what I’m feeling and thinking, and at the same time not saying something that will hurt anyone (whether I mean it to or not), not really talk about matters that someone might not consider fit for public consumption. I like blogging, it’s like a diary that I don’t have to actually write in (because almost everyone can type faster than they write). It’s also a diary that anyone can read, including the people that are involved in my life. And as they’re involved in my life, it’s likely that they’ll make their way on to the blog at some point.

So I’m working on it. I’m trying not to name names that aren’t already in the blog-verse, I’m trying not to be too emotional out loud here in this space. I’m trying to hold my shit together, and not have it rain all over things, because sometimes talking about it doesn’t help it just makes things worse. It’s just getting harder to do.